Did you know that most singles who create online dating profiles can’t stand the word “dating”? The thought of having three dates a week for six to twelve months can be daunting and off-putting. It sounds more like work than love.
I often hear from singles who say they would like to skip the necessary phases of getting to know someone and go from “Right Swipe” directly into a relationship. But as Phill Collins sang: “You Can’t Hurry Love.”
Although it would be nice to have a magic wand that makes the perfect partner appear online within the first three days, this is unfortunately an unrealistic expectation.
Similar to traditional dating, online dating also has various phases. Going through these prepares the seekers for the relationship.
1. Deciding for a Relationship: Signing Up
The days when you would whisper to friends that you want to sign up for a dating app but don’t want anyone to know are over. Going online is today’s most popular way to meet. It has never been easier to fall in love, as online dating lets you meet people you otherwise wouldn’t.
To get you started, you should first decide which dating app (or apps) you want to sign up for.
I always recommend signing up for a well-known mainstream platform first. I would definitely choose a paid app because they offer more protection than free versions.
2. Creating a Profile
This is quickly done, some might think. Not at all.
Once you have taken the step, it’s time for the second phase of the online dating process. Think of your dating profile as your resume for love, and the first step is choosing photos.
If you have six good photos, you are a step ahead of others because singles swipe quickly left or right based on your main image.
If your phone is full of selfies, it’s time to seek the help of a friend or a professional photographer to take photos of you in various outfits. Make sure your main photo shows your smile and that you are wearing a top in a bright color (red is my favorite because it is the color of love).
Add some close-ups and full-body photos to your profile. If you have a pet, I suggest adding a photo with your four-legged friend in the sixth position. Most dating apps ask for some basic information, including your age, age preferences for your date, and how far you would be willing to travel for a meeting. Since dating became virtual during the pandemic, many singles have expanded their search parameters from 50 kilometers to 500 kilometers or more. Keep in mind that many singles now work from home and are willing to relocate for love.
Some dating apps, like Paarship, require you to answer a long list of questions so that algorithms can suggest compatible matches. I recommend taking the time to answer as many questions as possible to improve the match percentages.
Be specific about your dating goals by honestly stating what kind of relationship you are looking for. If you are interested in something casual, be honest and indicate that you are not looking for anything serious.
3. Search, Find, and Be Found
Once you have perfected your profile, the fun (or the work) begins. The fresh appearance on a dating app is comparable to a new listing on the real estate market.
In the first weeks after publishing your new dating profile, you will appear more frequently in search results, and more people will view your profile.
It would be ideal to open your dating app at least three times a day to spend a few minutes swiping right or left, depending on the suggested matches.
On some apps, you can proactively search or set your search parameters using your favorite keywords like “travel” or “food,” or focus on factors like age and distance.
Remember to enable push notifications in your phone’s settings to receive notifications about new messages and matches. This way, you can respond quickly and get the conversation started.
4. Chatting / Communicating
When you finally match with someone who interests you, you should respond within the same day or at most within 24 hours so that the match does not lose relevance.
It’s time to freshen up your communication skills. Messages with little content, like just “Hey,” can appear lazy and hardly attract attention. Unless you have already established a connection, you should also not ask, “How was your day?”
On dating apps, shorter messages with a question get the most responses. Take the time to write a witty opening and mention your match’s name.
An excellent example would be: “Hi, Andrea! Has anyone ever told you that you have a stunning smile?” or “Hello, Tom. I’m so glad we matched! We must have a similar taste in TV shows. What series have you watched recently?” Once you receive a response, keep the conversation flowing, just like texting with a friend. Add a smile or wink emoji to show that you are flirty and humorous. Messages should generally not be longer than five sentences, including a question to encourage a response.
Since everyone currently has the travel bug, ask your match when they last visited one of their favorite places if they have posted travel pictures. If the dream vacation on their bucket list matches yours, that’s a great conversation starter.
Remember that you are not looking for a digital pen pal. After exchanging a few messages, suggest setting up a phone or video call to find out how well you match.
5. A First Meeting
Whether you have a series of one-off dates or decide to focus on one person at a time, after a few text messages, it’s time to arrange a meeting with your new digital crush. I say: the sooner, the better.
If you chat with someone you like but do not arrange a date, your connection will fade over time, as will their interest in you. Therefore, if it fits, don’t play “hard to get.” Remember that your match is chatting with multiple people – just like you. Most of the time, however, one conversation thread will stand out from the crowd.
The old rule of never planning a first date on a Saturday night is as outdated as a fax machine or a VCR. If you’re chatting on a Friday and are available the next day, don’t wait too long, as your match might spontaneously meet someone else.
When deciding where the first date should take place, remember to meet in a public place and arrange your own transportation to feel safe. I also recommend having a friend you can text to report how the date is going. Safety is a top priority, and if you feel uncomfortable for any reason, simply end the date politely and thank them for their time.
Some fun and easy dates could be hikes, walks through museums or art galleries, or a light meal.
I recommend limiting your alcohol intake to one drink at an evening meeting. If you prefer coffee dates, do not plan consecutive dates with someone else. If the chemistry is right, you could talk for over an hour, so allow enough time between scheduled dates.
If your real-life meeting goes well, arrange a second date before you say goodbye, and try to schedule it within a week of your first meeting.
6. Meeting Multiple People Multiple Times
Dating takes time, and patience is a virtue. Try to enjoy the process by chatting with multiple people.
If one person stands out from the crowd, continue to arrange dates with them until you decide whether you want to date this person exclusively.
I am often asked whether it is acceptable to date more than one person at the same time. It can be challenging to keep track of your dates and conversations, and it’s not a bad idea to organize yourself with a notebook or a spreadsheet. Some people like to try out different options, while others prefer to focus on one person. Decide what works best for you, but consider that the person you have your eye on may have a different approach to dating.
If you have had a series of one-off dates, it doesn’t mean you have to commit to the first person you’d be willing to schedule a second date with. New people sign up for dating apps every day, so enjoy the getting-to-know phase and meeting exciting people.
And yes, it can get complicated.
7. Should I Date Exclusively?
Dating labels are usually more important to women than to men. Typical labels include: “dating,” “seeing someone,” “almost boyfriend or girlfriend,” and finally “boyfriend or girlfriend.”
If you like someone and have met multiple times over a few weeks, you might want to ask if they would like to be exclusive with you. Be prepared that this person may not have the same timeline as you. Let them know that you do not want to put any pressure on them and are willing to wait until they are on the same page.
It’s easy to get excited when the chemistry is right and you start dreaming about the future. But that’s a path that can prevent you from enjoying each moment.
For some, wanting to be exclusive means never being intimate with another person again. For many, that’s a huge promise. For others, it’s as simple as saying, “Let’s try it out and see where this journey takes us.”
8. Officially Being a Couple
Once you have agreed to officially be in a relationship, it’s time to talk about deleting your dating profiles. This is a significant moment for singles taking the step into a partnership and should be duly celebrated.
Whether you delete your dating profile permanently, cancel your membership, or set your profile settings to “hidden,” this final step shows that you are committed to the relationship and not looking for other options.