Nobody wants to be stuck on a “bad date.” Sure, the horror stories make for great conversation material later, but in the moment, minutes feel like hours. The tension grows as you desperately look for an escape. Unfortunately, the combination of these elements often leads to paralysis. You feel helpless and sit there unwillingly while she finishes her tiramisu.
So how do you completely avoid this situation or end a bad date early? Gentlemen, I present to you some exit strategies: ways to end a date early without seeming rude.
Plan Exit Strategies Before the Date
Life is not a Disney movie, so skip the three-star restaurant. At least for the first date. First dates should be short and strictly for testing compatibility. Realistically, you know within five minutes whether there’s mutual attraction. Within twenty minutes, it becomes clear if there’s some chemistry. If the conversation goes deeper, give it about an hour to see if you align on moral values and life goals.
A first date should be a brief, casual compatibility test. Avoid having dinner together or any meal for that matter. Lengthy commitments like Broadway shows, sports events, or concerts should also be avoided if there’s no chemistry.
Instead, choose:
- A drink (or coffee/juice if staying sober)
- A walk in the park
- A dessert, ice cream, or another light treat
This gives you ample opportunity to test compatibility while also keeping the option open to casually extend the date if it’s going well. If it’s a perfect match, you can switch locations and continue the romance. A drink can turn into a late dinner at a restaurant, while an ice cream can lead to drinks at a bar. If you’re walking, simply choose your destination – the world is your oyster.
Classic Exit Strategies: Call or Message from a Friend
If you want to end a bad date early, the classic method of calling or messaging a friend is still one of the best options. Ask a friend in advance to send you a message or call you at a specific time. This gives you a graceful exit if the date doesn’t go as planned.
You can pretend an emergency has arisen or that you’re suddenly needed elsewhere. The advantage of this strategy is that it appears polite while being effective. Just don’t forget to thank your date and end the situation respectfully.
Cover Stories without a Friend
If you’re not comfortable using a friend as a lifeline, you can create your own exit by building an excuse into the date early on. This could be a commitment you have later in the evening, like a work call with Asia. Alternatively, it could be an early morning appointment forcing you to go to bed early – for example, a 7 AM flight or a meeting downtown.
Mention this commitment once or twice during the conversation, and bring it up when you’re ready to end the date. This shifts the focus to your situation and not your date. Since this commitment was already discussed, it feels natural and expected for both parties – nobody likes surprises, and nobody likes being rejected.
Of course, if the date is going well, you can simply “go with the flow” and either cancel or ignore the commitment. The fate of destiny is a concept most women and men understand and appreciate. No one will blame you if destiny takes its course.
Choose a Casual Activity
Whether it’s a game of pool or a short walk – there are a variety of brief activities suitable for a first date. Choose a fun activity that doesn’t bind you for more than an hour. This gives you the opportunity to engage in conversation and explore mutual attraction.
Once the activity is over, you can either move on to another activity and a new location or end the date. If you want to gently let them down and soften the blow, let them win the game you’re playing.
Be Gentle
After they’ve finished their drink, casually stand up and say, “Okay, that was fun, but I need to go. Ready?”
Do this before the waiter comes back to ask if you want another round. For a smooth execution, excuse yourself during the first round to use the restroom, and inform the waiter that there will be no further orders.
Here again, cash is king. Make sure you have cash on hand to settle the bill without delays. The smoother you do this, the more likely it is that they will play along. It doesn’t feel like a direct rejection, but rather like the end of a meeting – almost as if time has simply run out.
The Direct Approach
Some people are direct and do without games and ambiguities. If you are one of these people, wait for a brief pause in the conversation to politely inform them that the date is going nowhere. It is good practice to sandwich bad news between two positive statements. Try it like this:
“You are an attractive and (insert appropriate adjective here) woman/man, but since we’re both here to find someone we’re compatible with, it’s probably best if we go our separate ways. I don’t feel any chemistry and don’t want to waste your time.”
This approach is risky as it opens the conversation to inquiries about why you feel that way. It might also lead to opposing opinions. On the other hand, you are doing the other person a favor by leaving nothing unclear. Your date is also evaluating the meeting to see if you have relationship potential. So give honest feedback… but proceed with caution.
Something Learned?
If you take away only two things from this text, let these be the advice:
First: Don’t waste time with people you know won’t be part of your long-term plans. Don’t worry about hurt feelings. Date to win gloriously, not to languish in mediocrity. The entire purpose of a date is to test compatibility. If it’s not there, you should retreat as quickly as possible.
Second: Always have a plan, no matter what you do. If the date is going great, keep a few options ready to extend it. If, however, the date is failing, be prepared to end it as quickly as possible with one of these strategies.